my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
