Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
