Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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