he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
