I feel great
I just peed on a car
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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