How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
