This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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