I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
