addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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