please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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