He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
