Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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