I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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