and my herpes radar will keep us safe
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
