Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
