I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
