Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
