Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
