what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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