i jhust puked up my retainher.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
