cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Randomize
