oh god the rape fog is back!
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
