i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
