there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
