Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
