Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
birth control should be required to get into college
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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