you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
