She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
