xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Randomize
