dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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