I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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