btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
