awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
