Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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