i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
