So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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