Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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