OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
