i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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