Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
