i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
