he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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