Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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