The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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