Redeem this text for a blowjob
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
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