If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
