so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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