she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
