Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
