then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
