the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
