i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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