Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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