I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
