well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
