I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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