ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
