i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
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