you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
