Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
