When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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