I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
So. Much. Porn.
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