so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
