Jerry, you need to find god
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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