Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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