I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
