The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
