Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
