yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
