We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I just found a bag of teeth...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
You left your phone here
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