if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
