Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
