I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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