I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
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Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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