I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
