Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
