i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
