I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
